Torres... Pulling Foot from mouth!

1 vote

Well at least Torres was guaranteed something at Liverpool......90 minutes.

Living will

1 vote
MY LIVING WILL: Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them , 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.' They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine. They are SO on my shit list ...

Bedroom Football

1 vote

A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He's laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, "What in the world was that?"

He replies, "Touchdown, I am winning 1 nil."

She thinks to herself, "I'm gonna fix him." Then she lets one loose.

He yells at her, "What was that?"

She replies "Goal, one all."

Now he thinks, "I'm gonna fix her. He's laying there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he shits in bed.

Smart, smarter, AWESOME!

1 vote

John Terry, Wayne Rooney and Samir Nasri were all in Saudi Arabia,sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death!

Sharp thinking

2 votes

A Geordie and a mackem get into a nasty car accident. Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the Mackem says, "So you're a Geordie, that's interesting. I'm a Sunderland fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left but, fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

You can just never gwt that striker in your sights

1 vote

ITV News: Scientists studying Invisibility!

Emile Heskey On a Football Pitch.

Everyone else's talisman leaves Trafford

1 vote

News of Gary Neville's retirement has disheartened many football supporters worldwide. "You always knew there was the chance of a goal when he played, that you had the upper hand" said Dave, a lifetime Arsenal supporter.

Tongue twisted

1 vote

Wow, people have only just realised Gary Neville is retarded...

Ah, sorry...

retired.

They just didn't get it

1 vote

The Football Auction

" Ok and our next item is Andy Carroll, lets start the bidding at 8 mil
"15 million"
"No Liverpool thats not ho-"
"25 million"
"You don't get it you're not suppos-"
"30 million, and thats my final offer"
" But Liverpool you could have got him for 8-"
"35 MILLION"
"*sigh* sold, to Liverpool for 35 mil"

They just didn't get it

1 vote

The Football Auction

" Ok and our next item is Andy Carroll, lets start the bidding at 8 mil
"15 million"
"No Liverpool thats not ho-"
"25 million"
"You don't get it you're not suppos-"
"30 million, and thats my final offer"
" But Liverpool you could have got him for 8-"
"35 MILLION"
"*sigh* sold, to Liverpool for 35 mil"