Disabled policies

2 votes

They say all employers must have a certain percentage of disabled employees on their books.

I guess that's the reason Manchester United signed Michael Carrick.

What Rooney wants

1 vote

Must be difficult for Rooney to concentrate on tonights game when he looks round the pitch and sees `Nani, Fanni`,

Torres! Torres!

1 vote

His armband proved he is a red Torres! Torres!
But Romans money turned his head Torres! Torres!
He'll think he has a better life
Until John Terry shags his wife
Fernando Torres, Chelsea's number 9

Chelsea's newest signing!

2 votes

Anyone else noticed that "Torres for Chelsea" is an anagram of "loser for cheaters"

Like talking to a brick wall

1 vote

Wayne Rooney's overhead kick has been described as a "once in a lifetime" moment.

I'm pretty sure plenty of things go over Wayne Rooney's head.

Rooney's other score!

3 votes

"Wayne was fantastic last night! His over-the-head manouvre is just awesome. Never seen such flexibility and stamina in my entire life!"

said the 45-year old prostitute from Salford.

What we have to look forward to from our refs!

1 vote

At 35 years old,I thought my chance to play in the local sunday league cup final had gone,so when my local team made the final I was delighted.

The big day arrived and stood in the tunnel,I dont normally do nerves but Im going too be honest,I was shitting my pants.

As the first half started,I was struggling with the pace of the game and hardly had a touch of the ball,the game was passing me by,my big chance was ebbing away.

Heskey... still just can't score!

1 vote

My mate was bosting about his new 3D TV, "Watching footie is great, it's like the ball actually comes out the screen" he said.

"Big fucking deal" i replied " i have a normal TV and when i play Fifa on my Xbox, the ball comes out the screen everytime i try shooting with Emile Heskey"

DHL United

1 vote

Breaking news: DHL sign sponsorship deal with Manchester United.

Expect plenty of missed deliveries then.

The gossip of EPL

1 vote

Daily Mirror: 'West Bromwich Albion's new boss Roy Hodgson has his eye on the England manager's seat, which Fabio Capello is expected to vacate in 2012.'

And I have an eye on Cheryl Cole, which is probably just as likely.